Funny Quotes

"*** Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.

*** The place of the father in the modern suburban family is a very small one, particularly if he plays golf.

*** The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.

*** Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.

*** It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course.

 *** If you break 100, watch your golf. If you break 80, watch your business.

*** I had a wonderful experience on the golf course today. I had a hole in nothing. Missed the ball and sank the divot.

*** Golf is a fascinating game. It has taken me nearly forty years to discover that I can't play it.

*** The only way to enjoy golf is to be a masochist. Go out and beat yourself to death. More funny Howard Keel quotes

*** I don't want to play golf. When I hit a ball, I want someone else to go chase it.

*** You've just got one problem. You stand too close to the ball after you've hit it.

"You can't depend on your eyes if your imagination is out of focus" ~ Mark Twain

 Courtesy "Basicjokes.com"

Welcome to Pilgrim's Rest Golf Club

Pilgrim’s Rest Golf Club Course layout. Hole Number One / Ten The opening hole is a three hundred and fourteen meter par four (stroke 9) with a soft dog leg to the right.

The fairway is split in two halves by a fast running stream of sparkling clean mountain water .

Number ten hole is somewhat shorter at two hundred and ninety four meters and the stroke in this case is ten. The front of the green is guarded by two bunkers left and right , and the right hand side of the fairway is covered with big trees.

Hole Number Two / Eleven Hole number eleven is 351 meters long with an elevated tee board sitting high up near the main road. The stroke on number two is 5 and for number eleven it is 6. The eleventh tee box is separately placed at a straighter angle to the fairway which is straight and the distance on this hole is 364 meters. Once again one has to play over the stream with your approach shot to a smallish green hence the lower strokes on this par four.

 Hole Number Three / Twelve This short par three (122 meters for number 3 and 141 meters for number 12 ) is one of the most scenic holes on the course with a huge bunker in front of the green , well below the greens level and an elevated tee board at the twelve. The green is well guarded with huge oak trees on both sides and at the bak. The strokes here are 17 and 16 respectively. 

Hole Number Four / Thirteen. This doglegged par four is 341 meters (number four) and 396 meters (number thirteen)long with strokes 11 and 4 respectively. The thirteenth plays very long and an out of bounds fence on the right hand side makes the tee shots quite dangerous. The green is covered with two bunkers left and left front and the green is quite large but narrow on the approach.

Hole Number Five / Fourteen Number five / fourteen hole introduces the golfer to the majestic mountain range flanking the right hand side of the course. Huge rock formations on the right hand side of this dog legged fairway ( to the right again) stands proud and powerful and ensures that the player refrains from slicing his tee shot or even the second. The left hand side of the green is covered with trees and the green slopes severely from back to front making putting from back to front rather tricky. This is a par four and the stroke for number five is 3 and for number 14 is stroke 14 . The distances are 360 and 317 meters respectively.

Hole Number Six / Fifteen This is the only par five on the course .Six plays at 480 meters and fifteen plays at 473 meters. The strokes are 13 and 12 and the tee boards are once again well separated making the tee off angles completely different. The green is large and the mountain flanking the right hand side of the green is quite and eyesight.

Hole Number Seven / Sixteen The seventh an sixteenth hole are short (7) and middle distance (16) par fours , 278 meters for the seventh with stroke 15 and 322 meters for the sixteenth with stroke 8 , but , don’t be fooled by this little beauty – the green is guarded by a water pond as well as a couple strategically placed trees and many a golfer had regretted his or her underestimation of this hole. The tee shots are quite important on this hole with the seventh tee only 275 tantalizing meters from the water pond and the sixteenth tee board guarded by a couple of tall pines on the left and an out of bounce fence on the right. Be very careful with this par four.

Hole Number Eight / Seventeen These two holes are without a doubt the two most difficult par fours on the course and the stroke rating of one and two are evidence thereof. The fairway is flanked on both sides with big gum and pine trees and the green is placed strategically on the other side of the water stream running through the middle of the course making a second or even a third shot into the green rather daunting. Hole eight is 434 meters long an number seventeen is 417 meters. The green is rather large and flat and raised at the back . Missing the green in the back is not a good idea because the return shot is very tough.

Hole Number Nine / Eighteen. Both nines are concluded by the second par three on the course , but two more diverse par threes is not easy to imagine. Number nine is 188 meters far , with two tee boards placed behind the water stream . Well positioned poplar trees in front of the tee can create a nerve wrecking shot if your game is not on song. The stroke is seven, the green is large and sloping towards the fairway, from back to front. Number eighteen is completely different and much easier as the stroke (18) indicates. It is only 128 meters long and dead straight , there is a bunker right front of the green and another left centre of the green .There are a couple of huge trees right front and left of the green with a huge tree right behind the green , a very attractive finishing hole .

The total distance of the first nine holes is 2,868 meters and the second nine measures 2,852 meters resulting in a rather “short” par seventy course of 5720 meters with a course rating of 69.